Barbara Moyer Lehman: Caught between faith and doubt

August 10, 2008
Matthew 14:22-33

Click "play" below to view video:


Click "play" below to listen to audio only:


Some of us remember the Beatles first film that came out in 1964 called, A Hard Days Night. And of course the lyrics of that title song, “It’s a Hard Days Night and I’m working like a dog...” There may be days when we could echo the sentiments of that song....hard days, long nights, difficult summers. Life isn’t always easy. Sometimes we feel like we are being smacked around. Another song whose words might be more familiar to some of you than a Beatles’ song, says it this way, “when the world is tossing me like a ship upon the sea,”. That, too may be descriptive of what we feel like.
When I read the gospels and the events of Jesus’ ministry packed into 3 years, I imagine that some days and weeks were long, hard, and exhausting. In Matthew’s gospel, chapter 14 we see two examples and references to Jesus’ desire for solitude, for prayer, for time to regroup. He didn’t always get that time.
In chapter 14, verse 13, he withdrew in a boat by himself to a deserted place, but the crowds followed him. When he stepped on shore, they were there. He had compassion and healed them. He didn’t send them away, telling them to return another day. His day was not over, for then we have the story of the feeding of the five thousand. He had to multiply fives loaves and 2 fish and somehow try to feed this multitude.
THEN Jesus tries to find some solitude again. Beginning with verse 22 of Matthew 14, we hear the gospel text for today.

(Recite Matthew 14:22-33.)


This story is told in all 4 gospels. Matthew is the only one that includes the part of Peter attempting to walk on water. It s a story that addresses danger, fear, faith and doubt. It is an epiphany at sea. Christ appears on the water to the disciples. Christ is present to them in the midst of the storm.

“It is a parable of salvation,” one writer stated. At the time Matthew’s gospel is written, the church is being persecuted. There is fear, confusion, suffering.
When people are living in those conditions, they are looking for something to grasp, to hold on to in the midst of suffering, in the midst of the storm. It is not a story that mirrors only the 1st century church. The same could be said for the church in the 16th century during the reformation. Our Anabaptist ancestors saw and experienced much suffering and persecution. They too needed to hold on to something, as women and men were being martyred for their faith. Did they understand that even as they were burned at the stake or tortured in other cruel and inhumane ways that Christ was present to them, that Christ was with them in their storm?
It’s our story for the 21st century! We want to believe. We want to be strong and calm and courageous, but sometimes we find ourselves moving back and forth between faith and doubt, sometimes focused on the storm and allowing it to take over our lives, sometimes focused on Jesus and feeling relatively calm and centered. Too often we feel caught between the two...faith and doubt!

In Peter we see both strength and weakness, faith and doubt, much like we see in ourselves and the church. He was obedient and trusting enough to step out of a perfectly good boat into the storm, when Jesus said, “Come”, but then lost focus, noticed the strong wind and turbulence beneath him, took his eyes off Jesus, and as he felt himself sinking, cried out in desperation, “Lord, save me!”

It’s the cry you and I might have muttered in some form at some point in our life time. Lord, save me. Lord, have mercy. It’s the cry of someone in need. It’s the cry of the community in distress in every age. It’s the cry of desperate men and women around the world!
Jesus hears the cry. Jesus has compassion. Jesus shows mercy. Jesus delivers his community and saves/redeems us from those storms and raging waters and our sometime weak, feeble and faltering faith.

When we read the gospel accounts of Jesus’ ministry, we find delight and encouragement in the stories where the blind see, the lame walk again, demons and evil spirits are cast out, health is restored. This story also ends happily. Peter is saved from drowning, the wind is calmed, those in the boat acknowledge who Jesus is and worship the one who saved him.

But what happens in real life when we know that things don’t always end well or happy? When the ending isn’t good or even okay? Life can be hard, very hard. Many people feel battered around. And for some it seems that no matter what they do, they continue to get slammed over and over again. They are rowing hard, but going nowhere! They can probably understand well the phrase in this passage, “for the wind was against them.”

Storms come out of nowhere and wreak havoc in our lives, literally and figuratively. And when we are in the midst of the storm, we imagine the worst. Everything is dark. Nothing is clear. The hurdles are huge, the barriers seem insurmountable. The disciples were terrified. They cried out in fear. For them they saw what they thought was a ghost.
Our storms, our ghosts can sometimes paralyze us. They change us overnight or in one second. A tornado skips over one town and slams into another. Lives are saved, lives are destroyed. A young man drowns while swimming. Several others swim to safety. An accident claims the lives of 4 high school teenagers, one survives.

I have no easy answers for what we do when things don’t go well or end happily, but I have a few observations out of my own experience and study.

1.) I know that it is the same Jesus who sometimes miraculously saves us from the storm, as is the Jesus who compassionately draws near to us in the storm!!! Jesus draws near to those who are hurting. Jesus comes to us in the storm, sits and suffers with us. Sometimes we say things like, “God must have been watching over me,” when we narrowly miss being involved in an accident with our family. But I also believe God is present with that family who is hit by a drunk driver on the highway and loses loved ones or has to deal with long term rehab because of injuries.

2.) I know that Jesus sometimes calls us to step out in faith, to exercise our ‘faith muscle’, even when it seems unreasonable, or even when the outcome is unclear and the future is uncertain! Peter took a risk. He stepped out of the boat. He wanted to be obedient. When he wavered and took his eyes off Jesus, he began to sink. His faith faltered when the wind was rough, but at least he tried. He was willing to risk. Too many of us are caught between faith and doubt. If we never make that step or attempt to, our faith muscle will weaken, shrivel up and die.
In 1983 John and I, with our two sons, moved to Elkhart ,IN. It was a huge step, a big risk. We had been living in Union City, IN for 4 years. John was teaching high school math and physics. I was an ‘at home’ mom for 3 of those 4 years. But I took a plunge, and at John’s suggestion enrolled at Earlham School of Religion, a Quaker seminary on the campus of Earlham College. Why? I don’t really know? John thought I might enjoy taking seminary classes. I wasn’t sure what to do now that both boys were in school. I thought, why not? For a year I drove the 45 minute drive 2-3 days a week to take a full load of classes. At the end of that year, two things became clear. 1.) I loved seminary classes and wanted to continue. 2.) I wanted to finish my degree and do that at a Mennonite seminary....AMBS in Elkhart. (Sorry EMS folks. I didn’t even consider EMS. It wasn’t on my radar screen at that point.) What wasn’t clear was how we were going to do this, what I would do with a seminary degree, and what was the future for me as a woman in the Mennonite church with a seminary degree. Nevertheless we felt led, and “stepped out of the boat.” After being in that small Ohio town for 4 years, where there was no Mennonite church or community, we longed to get back to something familiar. We packed up, moved to Elkhart. We soon found a small house to rent. John had no job. For that first year that I attended seminary full time, we lived off of our savings and what John earned as a substitute teacher, which wasn’t much. His home church in Berne gave me some money for seminary. By the second year, John had a full time teaching position and we felt settled again.

Steve Brown spoke to us a few weeks ago. Thursday night at conference he preached and said, “We need to step out into places where we have never been and do things we have never done before.”

For me, my years in seminary were just that,...new places, new things, a huge risk. I have no regrets.

3.) Sooner or later, the storm ends.(usually ends) But when you are in the midst of the storm, it feels like forever. Some day the sun will shine again. But when you are in the storm, you may not believe anyone who tells you that, that things will get better. You may not want to hear it. It certainly isn’t anything that should be said tritely or lightly.

4.) When you are feeling battered around, one needs to find ways to take small, small steps forward to get out of the storm. It’s the hardest thing to do when you don’t feel like doing anything. It’s part of the process of exercising our faith muscle. It’s trusting that God will be there for us, sitting with us until the storm has passed.

In this story from Matthew, Peter represents the risk taking of faith. In our stepping out of the boat and taking risks, what sometimes may seem like failure, in the end we discover has refined and deepened our faith. In the process we are drawn to Jesus more fully.
When we read the words “of little faith”..you of little faith, it is never used of unbelievers, but rather in Matthew’s gospel, it is admonishing those who are believers but fail to draw on their faith. People like you and I who get lazy about exercising our ‘faith muscle’.

I read this quote, “Christian existence is indeed one of faith mixed with doubt. Only by God’s grace can doubt be kept subordinate.”

If we feel caught between faith and doubt, maybe even trapped, let us ask ourselves, “what is holding us back from ‘stepping out of the boat’? What are we afraid of? If we have taken some risks and found ourselves sinking, like Peter, maybe we need to ask, “what caused us to lose focus? when did we take our eyes off of Jesus? what was so tempting, so attractive, that we lost our way?”

When we are floundering in that turbulence and caught in the storm, let us hear loud and clear the words of Jesus to his disciples, Take heart, it is I. Do not be afraid.” Let us see clearly before us that Jesus reaches out to us. He takes our hand. He calms the sea. He quiets the wind.

Truly he is the Son of God!.




[To leave a comment, click on "comments" link below and write your comment in the box. When finished, click on "Other" as your identity, and type in your real name. Then click "Publish your comment."]